Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Back to Being Me

When I sat down to write this post I realized many days have passed since my last post. So have many thoughts I've had, that I wanted to share. Of course now I can't remember them. It isn't that I am losing my mind. It is more that I try to store too much in my cranium..

The latest and freshest item on my mind has to do with our cat. Last night I woke up around 3 a.m. My pajama top was wet and I felt sweaty. When I opened my eyes, Snuggles who sleeps on the foot of the bed was standing next to my head with her face staring  down on my face. She was quietly meowing at me. I had a quick recall of the dream I was just having. Something about my being sick (I think instead of Kevin). By the time I was fully awake and sitting up,  any memories of what I was dreaming were gone. Cat, sensing all was well turned away and resumed her sleep position on her favorite towel. I switched the light on, changed my pajamas and sat for a few minutes thinking, it must have been some dream to disturb the cat. Then I remembered just about the same thing happened a few nights ago.

I find this a little bizarre since lately my days have been pretty low key. Oh, I had a brush up with myself over health insurance and not understanding the ins and outs. It's not that I am paranoid over being overcharged  for services rendered. It is more about saving and being able to pay  my share.

I'm healthier than a horse at least for now, My worries are over optical and dental, the expensive stuff that Medicare insurance hardly covers. I think I am getting a better handle on it. I just want to be sure I am not being over charged, because with these prices it seems probable.

So to counteract those worries, I am hitting the gym three or four times a week and walking a mile or two every time I go. If I stay healthy and last a good long time, it will be money well spent.

Maybe the worrying over health-related bills has something to do with the dream. Hmmmm.

I did a craft show last week. On Thursday evening the City of Brooksville presented Christmas on Main Street 2016. As always I committed to this event  a month beforehand, even though it was a evening event and my friend Anna opted not to attend. The first show I'd done since before Kevin got sick was tough for me, but Anna set up next to me and that was a big help, emotionally. This time I was on my own and as the date got closer, I started to have second thoughts.

But, I went and really enjoyed myself. I packed the car, pretty much the same way Kevin would have done. I wasn't sure what to bring, so I brought mostly holiday-related goods. I brought my greeting cards which included Christmas cards, but they didn't get much attention because even though I had a few led lights, it was still dark in the tent. My best sellers were copper wire wrapped star ornament bedecked with buttons, beads and jewelry findings. Oh and as always my spiced clay pins.

What meant most to me was meeting new people like the mother/daughter team next to me that sold all kinds of jams they'd made together. The girl just turned 16 and she reminded me of our granddaughters who seemed to enjoy helping us out at green markets and craft shows just a few years ago or more..

On the other side of me was a couple my age selling bird houses they'd made to resemble historical buildings in the area. He was the carpenter and she did the decorating. They are looking for ways to supplement their income. The problem for them is medical bills,especially paying their share for prescription drugs.

I met a few people who've lost husbands, parents or wives to cancer. I am not sure how we got on the conversation in each case. I guess it came up while I was explaining why I hadn't done any shows for the past two years.

Then there were the little ones, so happy  that Christmas is near and eager to watch the tree lighting, enjoy a candy cane or two, listening to the Christmas caroling and just be out on a school night with the family.

I think meeting other vendors and event attendees was his favorite part of doing craft shows. A couple of weeks ago I found a stack of business cards he'd collected from other artists at shows we attended.

For a few years  we had a booth for spring and fall shows at Lake Eola which is a beautiful downtown park in Orlando. We stayed at the EO Inn and Spa just off the park, which made it a fun walking weekend. Those were happy days.

Last Thursday,what started out as a chilly, breezy evening that made me feel anxious turned into a heart-warming experience.

When I came home, all tired and worn out, I sat next to Kevin's favorite rocking chair and said, "Kevin I did it. I did it all from loading the van, setting up the tent and tables to taking it all down."

I also responded for him,"You did and I was there watching over you."

I miss Kevin everyday. The good part is having so many great memories of him and being able to spend our lives together.

All else in my life is busy work, trying to get my sewing area reestablished and the house in shipshape. I really need to design a new pattern for the bigger phone pouches as I am getting more requests for them through my Etsy shop. Something inside of me keeps putting it off. Dread maybe. Probably because once I start sewing I get buried in it.

We (me and cat) had visitors yesterday. These two Sand Hill cranes seemed as curious about us on the patio as we were with them wandering around the yard. I even tossed out pretzel crackers which they crunched up.


I am pretty sure Kevin was trying to make an "N" for Nancy in the sky last Saturday morning.


Now it is countdown to Christmas so enjoy all that is enjoyable. Thank you for reading my posts. You are a great support for me. Love and Hugs until next time.

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