Monday, October 31, 2016

I'd be chasing my tail, if I had one

I've been busy and have lots to write. Starting is the hard part. Great news from my doctor, last Wednesday.

The osteoarthritis is nothing to worry about. He says I pulled a muscle and it keeps getting aggravated. The problem stems from my years of lower back pain. I would be fine for a couple of years and then turn (move) the wrong way and instant pain that would last for several days. Seems like I've not had more than a sore back here and there for the past couple of years. Where am I headed with this? The doctor has this theory and I am inclined to agree. He believes I've been subconsciously using my hip for doing things that required  exertion on my back. Light bulb moment.  I've also been having the pains and problems with my hip and knee off and on for that past two years.

I am to a point where too much walking is more wear and tear of both joints. Also the lifting. Whenever I lift or move something awkward/heavy I make myself aware of how I do it. Must be because I am left handed that I automatically shift my weight to my left side instead of centering or shifting to the right to complete the task. Even though I am aware of this, I can't do it any other way.

My prescription and solution is walking, but keeping the daily routine to a half hour. And I am off tomorrow to join Tone U, a gym that has workout machines and that's all I know about it. Will keep you updated. Maybe you will want to join me. It's great to be retired when you are eligible for the Silver Sneakers program and can go to just about any exercise/workout facility for free.

Got my new glasses on Tuesday. I can see everything perfectly, however not close up. My neighbor says I should take them back, but I have readers and I really needed these specks for stuff like driving.  Still have to look forward to next year for possible cataract removal.

I really like both my primary care physician and Eye Doctor. They are both mellow, nice professionals. They both listen and don't make me feel rushed.  They remind me a lot of Kevin, similar personalities.

Thursday afternoon was Grief Support Group. Social Worker Stephanie (our daughter) keeps reminding me there is no right way or wrong way to go through grieving over the loss a loved one. And she's right. There are women in this group who have or have gone through months of not being able to answer the telephone because they know they will break down crying. One woman says she can't stand it when friends ask, "How she's doing?  Another hates the pause on the phone once the caller has asked that same question and adds they are sorry for her loss. The group leader told them this often happens and some ways to get around the problem is by sending the friend an email or note explaining how they find phone conversations too difficult right now. Thank them for their concerns and offer to call them when the right time comes.

For me, after Kevin was gone, I even answered calls that I didn't recognize the number. On Thursday when I thought about that, I realized I may have been hoping for some crazy good news, like, "Your husband is fine and will be home soon." My rational head knew that wasn't happening, but it was too soon to think rationally.

Regarding the woman who took issue with people always asking how she's doing, I looked at that differently.  She said, she's tempted to say how do you think I'm doing I've lost my husband. My world is upside down.

I think I always say that when I start a conversation. I mean it in general and leave it up to the respondent to decide how to answer.  When someone asks me, it really depends on the kind of day I am having. Since Thursday, I've thought about this and I understand her irritation. Handling Grief is different for everyone.

Always have a Plan B. That was the advice to one woman who planned a vacation to either Dolly World or Myrtle Beach with a girlfriend. Turns out her friend can't get away from work, so this woman wonders about going alone. She and her husband vacationed often at both places. Others agreed with the leader that if she feels like going, she should. But she should also have a arrangements made to  return home or go elsewhere, if being in a place too difficult, emotionally to enjoy.

Another woman told the group she opted to put some of her husband's ashes in his burial site at the National Cemetery, when he passed a way two years ago. She and friends booked a cruise and she wants to disperse the rest of his ashes at sea.  Just about everyone in the room had a quick response to this, as it illegal to do without a permit and permission to do so. I have permits needed for traveling with Kevin's ashes, which is necessary for taking them to another state. They were included with death certificates and other paperwork from the funeral home.

The last 20 minutes of the hour-long session were devoted to talking about one woman's sorrow of losing a teen-aged son. He was in an accident. Very sad story. Another woman who'd lost her son many years ago, consoled her. The leader made sure to remind everyone even though these moms' stories are devastating everyone's grief is different and just as hard as anyone else's. Don't minimize your own grief. It is just as hard to bear.

I signed up for a special Holidays Alone workshop at Hospice. It's next week. At first I thought I didn't need to go to this workshop, but then decided it best to know what to expect ahead of time.

Something I have thought about and really hope is true. I believe Kevin is with me in spirit. So, if that is the case, I think he can also time travel. I just wish he would reassure me that the Indians are going to win the World Series -- since he would be able to take a trip to tomorrow night, or the next night to get the box scores. Maybe spirits have a code of conduct to follow and can't be that helpful. But wouldn't it be nice.

I reopened my Etsy Shop. For now, I've just relisted my ID wallets and will continue to bring other items back throughout the week. I want to add my greeting cards, but that will take time as I have to take the photos and write the descriptions. I am also getting requests for larger phone pouches for the larger phones. So, I will also be sewing up a storm.

 If you'd like to take a peek, go here: 

Something else I am looking forward to is lunch with Anna and Sally in Homosassa on Wednesday. Always a fun time out with them.


Kevin and Serena Nov. 27, 2012 at Downtown Disney (AKA) Disney Springs

I am grateful to have your support and understanding. I miss Kevin everyday and sharing this with you is so important to me.















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